Synovial Syntax

Unvarnished

Posted on: January 26, 2010

as i sit down having put away 3 loads of laundry, before putting in the overnight one, before the youngest boy wakes us up sometime between 0450 and 0525 and the older one acts out any more school settling-in wobbles and i get up to spend another day on the hamster wheel with added trepidation as i try and find some work outside the home i just have to say:

it is very hard having RA, even when it is behaving itself
and the other health things
they are boring
i am boring myself
i am getting a bit damn miserable
understimulated and bleak.
I am gutted at how much pain and limitation
deflamation of everything else has revealed in my hip and shoulder.
it is very hard to be nice about things
i want to lock myself away and convalesce
i want my equanimity back.
so i can face finding out how soon i will need surgery.
it is a long winter
and i long for a day without pain or drugs
just one
and then maybe another, please.
or if not, something fun to look forward to
or a very good joke or ten
jokes without bodily functions that make a 4 year old laugh.

my blessings are counted
and i am properly grateful for them all
but sometimes if i don’t get this stuff out
i’m too burdened to straighten myself up

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1 Response to "Unvarnished"

Ah yes, counting one’s blessings. Thanks for helping me laugh at everything that makes us all crazy!

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